Christmas Sale | Code for 5% off | Ends Dec 31 · 2k uses only!
Product
Soft. Obviously.
Just sits there. Watching.
You didn't need it. And yet here we are.
Free shipping included. No hidden fees.
The internet spoke
Regret is temporary. Plush is forever.
@existential_crisis
2d
he looks at me like he knows what I did
@devgirl.exe
1d
I don't need therapy I need this plush
@chronic_doomscroller
3d
finally a purchase my parents can be disappointed about
@ai_hypebeast
5h
he's so angry. I love him. he gets me.
@3am_thoughts
12h
bought one for my desk. now we judge people together.
@vibes_only
4h
this is the only thing I've ever truly needed
So we made the mistake of making it real.
The lifestyle you didn't ask for
Where will he silently judge you?
On your desk.
Watching you pretend to be productive.
In every call.
"Nice plush" — everyone, every time.
On your bed.
Judging your 3am screen time.
Buy
Still here?
Just accept it. You want him.
€24.99
€34.99Pre-order price · Free shipping · Ships Q1 2026
Pre-order nowPre-order now · Ships Q1 2026 · Secure checkout via Stripe
Use code at checkout for 5% off
Questions you definitely have.
We'll answer them anyway.
When does it ship?
Q1 2026. You're pre-ordering, so you're getting in early. We'll email you when it ships.
Will I pay customs fees?
US, EU & Australia: price includes shipping and duties. Other countries: shipping included, but your country may charge import fees.
Can I cancel or get a refund?
Pre-orders are final. No refunds, no cancellations. You're committing. If it arrives damaged, email us within 7 days with video.
How big is it?
~20cm. Big enough to judge. Small enough to ignore.
Is my data safe?
Payments via Stripe. We don't store card details. Analytics only with your consent. GDPR compliant.
Do you ship worldwide?
Everywhere. No one escapes.